03: lessons my dog taught me
Nola’s fifth birthday is coming up in about two weeks and it’s caused a great deal of reflection on my part about how much has changed in the past five years; covid, moved across the country, up and down political shit, jumped around multiple jobs, moved three apartments, had various relationships, had various breakups, started and working on growing a new business, and through all of the growth and changes nola has been there by my side — through it all. looking to me to play fetch with her, take her on adventures, beg me for food on the reg, and cuddle up next to me every night. from this, i’ve compiled a list of 3 lessons she’s taught me, hope you enjoy :)
Actions are louder than words
Yes, we’ve all heard this saying and i don’t know about you but i haven’t paid it much mind. kinda in one ear out the other. but looking back from my time with nola it’s truly shown me the value of that simple saying. nola, obviously, hasn’t said one word to me since i picked her up at the shelter, not hi, i love you, trust me, thanks, you’re the best —nothing. all she’s done day in and day out is be there. let me say that again. she’s been there. when i’m sad she comes up and cuddles next to me, when i come home, she’s there to excitedly greet me, when i leave the apartment she’s ready to go with me wherever, whenever. without even saying a word, nola’s shown me how much she loves, cares, and trusts me. these actions, done overtime, are exponentially more powerful than if she simply told me she loved me when i feed her. which leads me to my next point…
love takes time to build
when i first saw nola and took her home with me i told everyone i loved her. i lied. but i didn’t know i was lying. at the time i thought love was something that just smacked you in the face —love at first sight type shit. i don’t believe that anymore. you can definitely have powerful feelings for someone or something immediately but it’s not true love, in my opinion. true love takes time to build and comes from repeated actions, showing up through the thick and thin, being there for the other person day in and day out. you can tell people you love them until your face turns blue but if your actions don’t match your words then they don’t mean shit and you should probably save your breath. which leads me to my next point…
there are many ways to show you care
when you want to show someone you care for them what comes to mind? for me it was gifts — flowers, buying dinners, coming up with plans for a date night, and so on. These are great but are very, low impact, surface level efforts. I can do this for anyone, what makes the person i love special? this is where my first two points tie in, simply being there and being present day after day for your partner is a far more powerful act of love than any $20 bouquet of flowers from the local bodega. In nola’s case, i could easily do the bare minimum to show her i care, buy her new toys, give her good food, give her treats etc. but what i’ve learned is being there for her, sensing her emotions and adjusting around those has truly unlocked more trust between us than a new squeaky ball ever could. an example, i bought nola a backpack she could go in so she could ride with me on my ebike; this would allow us to go so many places and let her explore new parks around the city. i did this with her in mind (my gift in a sense) but when i showed her the backpack she was scared shitless. i was upset initially because i knew she would have a great time once we got there but getting her into the bag was terrifying for her. i could have just stuffed her in and forced her to go, ignoring her feelings and obvious signs of discomfort, but instead i let go of what i wanted, picked up cues from her and let her get more used to the bag on her time. i’ll report she’s still not super stoked on it but she does get in and has a great time when we get to where we are going.
now, what I wrote may not resonate for some and quite possibly could come across as unremarkable due to the generality of the lessons. i previously thought these lessons were obvious as well, but seeing these in action day after day starts to really stick with ya and reiterates the power consistent small actions has. kinda goes back to working out, you won’t improve if you do the most once in a while, you’ll improve by doing the small things really well day after day.
i hope you enjoyed reading and please enjoy some various pics of nola throughout the years. also go ahead and wish nola a happy birthday in the comments below.
:)
